Ray Charles // Chiddy Bang

Chiddy. Xaphoon. Ray Charles. I’m into all three of you fine gents.

And I’m definitely into the doo-wop, 60’s vibe that intermissions the blocks of rap when it comes to this new release. The message is particularly enticing because everyone likes a bit of sugar and spice in their life. Especially a girl like me. I can’t just settle for days of beige. I like texture and wetness, colors and dynamite.

I know a few very pretty ladies that need a boost right about now. They are sick at work, sick at home, sick at love. They haven’t developed a true identity because, let’s be real, that shit takes time to ferment. I’m not even sure if I have it down pat yet. But I will say this. A boost of confidence is like taking five shots of tequila and doing a line off the bathroom sink; compliments are what get ya lifted. And if you’re not getting any, give ’em to yourself. That’s my mantra. Seems to be working out alright.

I say this and immediately go back to the basics. Take a hard look at yourself in the mirror, naked, and tell yourself that your pretty little cunt is deserving of being called the most beautiful pussy in the world. Grab your titties and make sure you are smitten over what your holding. Honestly say things outloud to yourself like, “I’m the shit. I’m beautiful. I am the smartest woman alive.” Anything that makes you feel like your day is going to take a step in the right direction, use that.

And lose the constant obsession over boys. Kick that out on it’s ass. Jesus fucking Christ ladies. Next time a douchebag doesn’t want to call you back or isn’t attracted to you anymore, tell yourself the famous line from rapper Mario that goes something like this: Girls be like busses. Miss one next fifteen one comin’. Except sub in a mental picture of some dude that dicked you over for the word “girls”. Even then, place boys at, like, number 7 on your priority list. And make sure if sex is in it’s own category and that it’ll be higher on your list than boys & relationships, well, just make sure you can be that kind of girl.

Listen to Chiddy Bang. Go get wild with some friends, and forget about stupid worries. Every relationship ends at some point in your life. Soak that up with your next lime and salt.


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