My Morning Jacket // Wordless Chorus

How come musicians are some of the worst dancers? They create the entire show. Actors and actresses in costumes pretending to move that way naturally. It seems a little forced considering no one who warrants attention actually seeks it. It’s just a natural phasing.

And why are we awkwardly linked to people we accidentally become best friends with. Like hey! It’s orientation week and I have no friends, so I’ll cling to you because you also are friendless. Then we pair off inseparably for a two week span before finding our more realistic click, trying hard to forget the former bond just to erase the embarrassment.

Too many people I do this one too. I’ll figure them all out before actually meeting them – see them around, listen to them speak while in the same class, trying to not look in their emerald eyes when I see them in person even though I’ve seen like ten-thousand pictures on my computer. It’s weird how we live. Because then you meet these enigmas in real-life and they usually sort of suck. But it’s hard to really forgive yourself for thinking they were something greater than their reality.

Sometimes I think about why I like lace too. Lace feels best on my breasts. Every slight movement in lace makes for a caressing, faint massage. Especially in sensitive regions, it can be quite pleasurable. I like to dress up for myself sometimes. Wear my raciest underwear to a mundane work day, sometimes even to the gym. I like pretending I’m a lot of things, but maybe I need to start understanding that I’m not playing house – maybe this is my real life and my real mannerisms.

I once saw a video of myself and it was at first intimidating because I was talking to a fake audience at my camera. But I kept replaying the video because I really liked dissecting my lips and my decanting slur that I realized, maybe I just like myself.

And I do. Enough to know when to give what you are given. Thus, cleaning out a rusted refrigerator, sharing the dinner I then made, while beforehand, smoking up my roommates. Something had to give, and it was me.

Feel good always even if you’re chorus isn’t as wordless but as pointless as can be. At least you’re free.


Shove It // Santogold

I don’t know if I told ya’ll, but I’m addicted to music.

I’m addicted to music just as I am to living my “ultra-engaged” life. Clearly not my own words, but the message rings bells. And I’m in love with this reggae-ish, island jam that makes me want to sway my hips side to side, causing friction between my body and some tanned, strong-shouldered man. Preferably with kind eyes and a slight overbite. I like that.

Funny though, the things you can like one day and then purposely pretend never existed.

I run into this problem a little too frequently for my liking. Many times it involves ex-boyfriends and their super jealous girlfriends, and even then, most times the root of the problem lies in the boy himself. They always seem to throw me out in some convoluted spotlight using me when it will be advantageous to themselves, and then almost instantaneously throwing me to the curb when their girlfriends feel intimidated or uneasy. As a girl, I mean, yeah I understand some bullshit that you don’t want to deal with especially if it involves your guy’s ex girl. But honestly, there is a point in our younger years when it’s up to us to decide what kind of person we want to be rather than pleasing the person we want to be with.

I choose being a good person. I don’t always live up to this, I make mistakes, and I especially have made some pretty terrible and conscious-lacking choices. However, I think I grew as a person to know now that it is never going to fly if one of my current hookups, boyfriends, or partners ever tell me that I cannot talk to someone. I just won’t allow it. I look at it this way. Who has the right or power to tell me who I can and cannot converse with? The only relationship I truly can trust is the one I have with myself. I can’t imagine sacrificing the morals and ideals I’ve crafted for my life for someone who feels uncomfortable with me being nice and friendly to whoever.

Granted, there are certain times and occasions that call for backing-off, but those are circumstantial and usually have deep roots attached. But realistically, I choose being a good person and doing what’s right rather than pleasing my insecure other half. Even then, would I want to date someone who couldn’t handle me saying hello to an ex of being Facebook friends with them? C’mon. Seriously?

The limitations between how far is too far when it comes to your current fling and your relationship with an ex is all dependent on how you want to work it out in your equation. If I’m dating someone, I mean, I generally try not to go on any one-on-one get togethers or hangout’s with an ex, but even then, a casual lunch to catch up shouldn’t result in a breakup and immediate backlash from whoever I’m with. You just have to play your cards right, show great respect for the one you’re with, and prepare yourself for the worst I guess. Being an adult isn’t always committing to someone for the sake of love. Sometimes, if not always, being an adult is doing the right thing despite any sort of negative feedback you are going to receive from a crazy bitch that once crawled through a window to see who you were with.

Truth is, I did nothing to deserve you giving me the cold shoulder. I don’t care how much your girl hates me because she should be comfortable with you and know that I haven’t even thought about you that way in years. And the only reason I’m getting this down on paper is to remind myself never to be such a fucking pussy in life.

On that note, here’s some Santogold. She even thinks you’re a joke.

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